Year: 2013

2013 – Challenging Year

Few hours from now we will be leaving 2013 behind. 2013 is the most challenging year for me. It’s the time where my faith was tested. It was also the year when I thought that I can’t make it anymore because of so much pain. There are days that I don’t want to wake up anymore because the pain was so intense that controls my life. With the help of my families and friends, I am happy that I made it little by little. With all my friends and families prayers, I started living my life again. Today, there are darker days but I don’t let it control me anymore. I learn to let go and let God. Then I realized that His plan is better than mine. I trusted Him more and believe that everything will be okay. Then miracle happens…. I found out that I am pregnant again. It is the best gift I ever receive this year. I realized that my life is still worth living. 2013 is still an amazing year for our whole family. The lost I experienced when my daughter died brings so much realization in my part. It made me a new person that I never thought I will become. It made me see things in a different point of view. It made my soul mature enough to understand what life is all about. There are things that are still hard to understand, so many questions still left unanswered but I am not dwelling on that part anymore. I welcome 2014 with an open arms and I believe that this is going to be the best year. I am looking forward for more growth in personal and business life.

 Happy New Year Everyone!

New Years Wish Champagne Bottle by PartiesforPennies.com

Let Go

Here are 20 things to let go of in order to reach unlimited happiness.

1. Let go of all thoughts that don’t make you feel empowered and strong.

2. Let go of feeling guilty for doing what you truly want to do.

3. Let go of the fear of the unknown; take one small step and watch the path reveal itself.

4. Let go of regrets; at one point in your life, that “whatever” was exactly what you wanted.

5. Let go of worrying; worrying is like praying for what you don’t want.

6. Let go of blaming anyone for anything; be accountable for your own life. If you don’t like something, you have two choices, accept it or change it.

7. Let go of thinking you are damaged; you matter, and the world needs you just as you are.

8. Let go of thinking your dreams are not important; always follow your heart.

9. Let go of being the “go-to person” for everyone, all the time; stop blowing yourself off and take care of yourself first … because you matter.

10. Let go of thinking everyone else is happier, more successful or better off than you. You are right where you need to be. Your journey is unfolding perfectly for you.

11. Let go of thinking there’s a right and wrong way to do things or to see the world. Enjoy the contrast and celebrate the diversity and richness of life.

12. Let go of cheating on your future with your past. It’s time to move on and tell a new story.

13. Let go of thinking you are not where you should be. You are right where you need to be to get to where you want to go, so start asking yourself where you want to go.

14. Let go of anger toward ex lovers and family. We all deserve happiness and love; just because it is over doesn’t mean the love was wrong.

15. Let go of the need to do more and be more; for today, you’ve done the best you can, and that’s enough.

16. Let go of thinking you have to know how to make it happen; we learn the way on the way.

17. Let go of your money woes — make a plan to pay off debt and focus on your abundance.

18. Let go of trying to save or change people. Everyone has her own path, and the best thing you can do is work on yourself and stop focusing on others.

19. Let go of trying to fit in and be accepted by everyone. Your uniqueness is what makes you outstanding.

20. Let go of self-hate. You are not the shape of your body or the number on the scale. Who you are matters, and the world needs you as you are. Celebrate you!

Source

Heavy Baby Bump

I am on my 28th week now and the baby bump is getting bigger and heavier. I decided yesterday to start buying for Baby’s items since I already have a hard time walking around the mall.

 

We bought few pieces only and hubby is so excited. I let him picked what he wanted for our new baby. He has fun and I just love watching him doing the shopping.

New Year Inspiration

Okay, since I am so down lately, I need something to boost my mood. I need to think of something that can help myself. I don’t want to dwell on the pain anymore. I want to rise from this pain. I don’t want this pain to control my life.

So here are some New Year Inspiration that helps me a lot and it might help you too:

new years resolutions

New Year Resolution Quote Printable. Healthy, Happy Life Quote.

Possible New Year's Resolution?

New year. new resolutions learn from yesterday live for today hope for tomorrow einstein quote

#New Years #Resolutions #Quote _ Set Your Goals High Enough To Inspire & Low enough to encourage you ! _ ….

New year's resolution

Words to remember

never regret

So true.

Just by reading those New Year Inspiration, it made me feel better. The truth is I am so tired of feeling sad because I am not really that type. So I hope that I will face 2014 with Hope and Love.

 

Nightmare

I don’t know how to express what I feel but my body is trembling everytime I remember that moment when my daughter passed away. Few days from now will be her First Year Anniversary in Heaven. Everything seems replaying. Sometimes, I can’t focus because I remember how exactly it happened.

I feel so helpless… I really don’t know how to express my feelings. I wanted to scream but I can’t do it. There is no reason for me to do it. I pray so hard that Ayumi will help me get through this. I am so afraid…

I know it is not the best time to feel this way because we should be celebrating New Year soon but I really can’t help it…

I remember last year when we celebrated New Year at the hospital. Just when I thought that she is doing well,  the worst happened. All I remember was, her heart beat was so fast and the doctors and nurses were keep on checking on her. They are trying to keep her vital signs back to normal but it seems that all the medications are not working. Until her heart rate dropped. They try to bring her back for 30 minutes. I don’t want them to stop. I even asked the Head Doctor to continue what they are doing. I am willing to wait. But… when I saw her body that was so weak already and not responding anymore… I shout… I let them stop!

That was when I heard my husband shouted his heart out. It was the moment that I really can’t believe that I lost my precious child. That is the moment that I know my life will be change forever. That is the moment that I realized that I cannot hear her voice again. That is the moment that I know that I can’t have her kisses and hugs again.

That was the loneliest moment of my life. In that particular moment, part of me died too. Part of me has gone too with her. Part of me will never be whole ever again.

That was the moment I held her for the last time. After that very moment, I don’t want to go near to her dead body because I know she is not there anymore. I know that it is just a body and I don’t feel her there anymore. I can’t cry that moment. I don’t know how to express my feelings. It seems that everything is unreal. It seems that I have a nightmare!

I just wish that God never allow this things to happen. I wish He let her stay with us. I wish to have it differently but it seems that God is already sure of what He wanted to do with my life. At first, I questioned God and got mad at Him. It is really a test of faith. As the days and months passes by, slowly I learned to accept it. You will definitely see how I accepted the whole thing if you are a reader of my blog. It was hard but there is nothing else to do.

I renew my faith and believe that whatever happened was really good for my soul. It might serve my purpose here on Earth. It’s hard to understand but I just trust everything to God.

There are bad moments but there are also good moments. Maybe, what I feel lately is one of those bad moments and I believe that this too shall pass.

Mama Mary and Jesus please help me get through this.

I hope that my little Ayumi is doing great in Heaven right now. I miss her so much…

Mark 5:36

 

Christmas 2013

2013 is the most challenging year for us when my daughter died last January 3. It was one of the most difficult part of my life. It really us in deep pain, that I thought will crash me forever. The pain that I thought will bring me down forever. But with God’s help and guidance we will able to turn pain into hope.

We celebrated our Christmas the way we used to celebrate it. It started with attending Mass, gift giving and Noche Buena.

The kids while waiting for their gifts.

The gifts are ready.

Happy kids 🙂

Gift giving time

Ready to eat..

We went to SM Aura and McKinley Hill.

It was a hot and humid day but full of fun with the family I love most.

Christmas won’t be the same without You!

Dear Ayumi,

Few days from now we will be celebrating Christmas without you. I just wanted you to know that we talk so much about you. Just this morning, when daddy and I went to kuya’s event, we are thinking about you. We wish that you are also with us. We wish that you are with us cheering for your kuya’s first fashion show. I wish so much to hear your jolly voice and feel your hugs and kisses again. We wanted to let you know that everyday we think about you. There were never a day that we never remember you. You are always in our thoughts. We miss you so much baby.

Today, we went to the mall and we are thinking of buying toys for kuya Gareth and Clint but we ended up not getting anything. I saw all the toys that you wanted and I hope to get it for you and you are playing it. But no, I don’t have the guts to get it anymore because it will be useless. I don’t want to stock up those toys and just feel sad everytime I will see it and it’s not you who are playing it.

I also wanted to let you know that I am trying so hard to live a normal life again but maybe I can’t, this is my new normal. I want you to know that we are really trying to rebuild our lives. We are trying to move on and I know with your constant help and guide, we can make it. I know that you are our angel now, I can always feel your presence. Thank you very much. The love that we have for each other will be our deepest connection. You may gone so soon but I know that you will remain with me forever because I keep you in my heart as long as I live.

We are sad but don’t worry, we will get through this. Don’t worry about us, we can handle this. It may be hard and you may feel sad but we are okay. I don’t want you to feel sad for us. Just continue growing your wings and be the best angel as you can be. Live the life that God wants you to be. You can do it baby! Let us follow the will of God for us. I would like you to know that whatever may happen now, everything will be okay at the end. At the end of it all, we will be reunited again.

By the time we will be reunited, that will be the sweetest day of our lives. We will never let each other go ever again. There are times that I become weak again and I cry bucket of tears because I miss you so much. I long for you baby. I wanted to hug and kiss you again.

 

I may not understand the mystery of life and God’s reason, I believe that He has a good reason and it is our own good.

I wish to feel the happiness I feel when you are still with us. I miss my old self. I miss those days that we laugh together for a certain thing. I miss everything about you baby.

Christmas will never be the same again without you Ayumi.

 

Love,

 

Mommy

 

Simple Joys

I order a Candy Crush pillows last week and finally I got it yesterday. I am so happy when I got it because it just made our living room colorful.

Some thought that I am hard to please but believe me, simple things can make me happy.

When we had our Christmas party, my staffs are so afraid to pick my name because they don’t really know what to give. I assure them that anything that they can afford is so okay with me.

I grow up with simple needs and wants. My family is not rich so we are used to eat whatever is being served to us. I am not choosy. I can easily feel contented of what I got. I also don’t demand too much from anyone instead I push myself so hard if I wanted something. I wanted to achieve my wants and needs in my own terms and not by relying to other people.

When I grow up and started dating, some of my family members expected me to marry a rich man but I never feel it that way. I wanted to be with the person I love and not because of money. My only rules before in finding Mr. Right, is that he should be hard working and love me unconditionally. I pray so hard to God to grant my wish. I am so happy that God granted it so soon when I met my husband.

I believe that if you love the person so much and you are hard working, you will definitely reach your goal. As long as you are in one team, nothing is impossible. Some of my friends know how we started. Our life before was so difficult. We can’t even pay our rents, buy our groceries or even afford to ride a Taxi. We went through all that. We just never stop dreaming and start working on our goal. We never stop believing and we put everything in God’s hand. We work so hard and so happy that little by little we are now enjoying the fruits of our labor.

We still have so many plans but for now we are working on it one at time. We wanted to expand our business and opening new businesses soon and I am hoping that everything will go smoothly. I hope and pray that Jesus and Mama Mary will guide us.