Month: September 2013

Here's another one I didn't really understand until recently <3 Even if it may involve similar characters, it will be completely different if it's meant to be.

 

Last night, I miss my Ayumi so much. Actually, I miss her everyday. I wanted to hug her again. I miss her little hands around my neck. I miss her kisses. But suddenly, I stop. I should not be dwelling much on the past. I should not be dwelling much on the pain. Sometimes, it is nice to visit that painful past over and over again but we should learn to stop if we know that it is already affecting us. As a mom, the memories of my daughter will always be with me and the pain will never fade. It is always deep inside of me and no matter how hard I try, there is a lowest point where I allow myself to dig in.

I am trying to check my phone last night for Ayumi’s pictures but I keep on browsing and realize that it’s been 8 months and all her pictures are now on the lowest part of the file. We added more pictures everyday as a sign that we are moving on with our life.  I wanted to post pictures of her but I realized that I should stop. It will just reopen the scar and it hurts me more.

I just finished reading this book. Actually, I am collecting Paul Coelho books and this one is really about his journey. I learn so much about him particularly about Life, Death and determining our Past. This book is really amazing and I realized that we never died, we are just going to a different place, still aware of everything. So, I believe that Ayumi just left us physically but she is still with us always. I know that she is guiding us and helping us get through all the pain.

 

Mom on Duty

I should be posting new entry yesterday but since we got a very slow internet, I decided to rest early.

Yesterday, I went to Gareth’s school with hubby. Actually, hubby requested it that I should join them so that we can have time to go out with Gareth.

 

So while we are inside the car, we had this pictures.

 

 

 

 

After his class he requested a snack.

So he got this:

 

 

His tiramisu favorite from Coffee Bean and Teal Leaf.

 

Then and Now

Mother Daughter Love | motivational love life quotes sayings poems poetry pic picture photo ...

It’s raining for around 3 days already and her I am so tired to go out but I have to just to check our business. I am also thinking of starting the construction of our cafe shop next week so that will definitely make me busier.

I am taking things easy right now, I am on my 2nd trimester and I can’t wait to feel the real movement of the baby and of course finding out the gender.

I am happier now but never comes a day that I never think of Ayumi. I still miss her everyday and wondering how my life will be if she is still here with us. Probably, we never move to a new house and maybe I am not this strong. Maybe, I am still the same full of anxiety and fears. I don’t know but July last year I feel something strange. I feel that there is something bad is going to happen and that is when I feel fear and develop depression that even my husband don’t understand me. Last December, when we attended Mass, I feel different again, I don’t feel good but still I managed to celebrate our Christmas with ease.

Then, I had this dream, I talk to a man, I am begging him not to take my child, I even cried helplessly but he keeps on telling me that it need to happen to make me whole. We had a debate and I begged but he never listened. Until, I woke up crying. I know by that time that I will lose a child. Everyday, I pray for it. I hope that it will not happen. I asked all the angels and saints to protect my children.

But, it still happened. I realized now that no matter how hard we pray or asked them for an extension but if it will be the time, we can’t do nothing but accept it. It’s hard to accept and even now, my mind can’t still process everything that had happened but I stop questioning anymore, instead I accept it with all my heart.

The more I questioned the more I get hurt. I realized that the man I had a talked was my angel. I know that he is helping me to cope and understand why such painful things happened. I know that I until now he is guiding me and I am very thankful for him.

Sometimes, we just need to let go and let God to the rest.

Remember that sometimes not getting what you want is a wonderful stroke of luck - Dalai Lama

Gareth’s Development

If you have a child who has autism, you will definitely be amazed. I am glad that Gareth is improving. His teachers are telling us how Gareth follows simple instructions. He is now learning to write.

I also downloaded stories and games in my iPad and Gareth loves to watch and play it and he can now memorize the stories. I am so proud of him. I am also very thankful that he is showing little improvement. I am thankful to God for everything. I believe that Gareth can catch up, I know he can do it. I believe in God that He will heal my little one.

We are also doing our best to give him that can help his development. We also continue his therapy and we will never stop giving to him what is best for him.

Just the other night, when Gareth is about to sleep, he come to me and whisper “I love you”, it simply made me happy and his Daddy has teary eyed. Those are just his simple gestures but it is a big thing for us.

I will definitely give all my best to take care of him and give him all that he needs.

 

Simply a mother’s love.

 

Hubby’s New Car

It was a busy week, because we get a new car. Prior to the release of the car we have to complete all the requirements and meeting with our agents. It is almost everyday that we go out to follow up. Until we got a noticed that the car is really for release, we are finally back on track.

 

 

When we got the car, we need to drive separately. Actually, I miss driving and it was also last week when I tried driving to SLEX and I am amused because I need to reach the required speed. I like the driving in a highway and maybe I will try again next time.. maybe after giving birth.

 

I even jokingly told hubby that I will be going to Baguio alone just to experience the long drive.

 

What do you think?

 

Monthly Checkup

Yesterday, I had my monthly checkup at Medical City. By the way, I changed OB this time and I feel good that I did because I learn a lot from my new OB. She is really good and I am more comfortable with her.

We heard the baby’s heartbeat for the first time through Doppler. It was an amazing experience. Though it’s my 3rd pregnancy, it still feels like the first time. Every pregnancy is really different. The experience is unique in each child. Hubby recorded when my OB is checking the heartbeat. So far my weight gain is normal and I will continue taking my vitamins and I am not allowed to be in crowded places.

So far, I feel good but most of the time I am sleepy. I really can’t control it. But sometimes, I have to do something especially if I have some business meetings and work to finish.

Today, I am just here resting at our home. I hope I will get enough rest for this weekend because next week is going to be a busy week for us.

 

 

I Am Not Alone

 

Lately, I can feel the baby’s movement. I am so happy and excited for this new baby. I don’t know but it seems that we already have our connection. Tomorrow is my monthly check up and I can’t wait to hear the heartbeat.

About my blood sugar, I am happy that it is now in a normal range. I am still taking insulin and so far I prefer it this way. I am used of handling the needles now. 🙂

 

Busy Saturday

Today is somewhat busy…

We went to Travel Expo at SMX earlier to check of all the latest tours. I’m glad that I got new contacts. 🙂 Then we headed to Tagaytay because I wanted to purchase new plants. I will post more about the plants I got tomorrow.

 

So after I got all the plants I needed we went to some of our favorites resto in Tagaytay.

First stop is in RSM Restaurant where I love the bulalo so much.

We also have some pork barbecue, adobong pusit and puso ng saging with gata. I forgot to have pictures because I was already starving. hahhaha

 

Then we went to Bag of Beans where hubby ordered the hot choco and blueberry cheesecake while I got the Frapped Mocha.

 

 

I love the cold breeze in Tagaytay. I wish to stay overnight but we are not ready to stay longer.

Then we had our take out at Mushroom Burger. The burger is so yummy that my son can’t let go. 🙂

 

How’s your day?