Birthday…

August 3, 2015

 

Five years ago, I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl, Ayumi.

Then… I don’t know anymore what to write here…

For quite sometime I am contemplating for her upcoming birthday. I was planning if I have to do the same as last year, like having balloons and cakes and we stayed at the cemetery for hours. Then I realized… I should stop doing that thing ever…

I don’t want to do it because it hurts me more. I think I should give myself a chance to move on. It is also unfair to my kids if they keep on seeing me so sad since they are already doing their best to make me happy. Even if I will do it over and over again, she will not be going back to us. I really can’t do anything anymore but to accept the fact that I have a new life to deal with right now but it doesn’t mean that I forgotten her. Of course, there was never a day that I stop thinking of her and wishing so hard that she is still with us.

But lately, I just realized that I am tired already. I am tired of feeling the loneliness and sadness. It’s been almost 3 years and I think I should start focusing on the most important things in life right now. I need to focus on the things that I can control and not on the things that I can’t. I am just tired and I guess I’ve given so much time for grieving. I learn to accept now that I have nothing left to do but to let it go.

So today, we visited her place and offer flowers, candles and prayers. I wanted to celebrate her birthday in a very positive way. We went to Tagaytay and just enjoy the view.

Then we saw this:

It was a big and beautiful. It was my first time to saw that kind butterfly.

I know that she is in a better place already and I am thankful that she is still watching over us.

Wisdom To Inspire The Soul: The Beautiful Butterfly.