10th Birthday in Heaven

August 3, is Ayumi’s 10th birthday.

I slept earlier than usual then I woke up around 4am and I can’t go back to sleep anymore. I don’t know but I just feel the emptiness again. I sob until I felt that Xavier was hugging me. I just hugged Xavier until I went back to sleep.

I woke up around 2pm and then we decided to visit her place. We bring her favorite spaghetti from Jollibee then we stayed a little longer. This is different from what we used to do, since it’s still pandemic and we are under MECQ which means that we are not allowed to travel. For the past years, on her birthdays or death anniversary, I always wanted to go somewhere. I wanted to free myself from pain. But now, I don’t have a choice but stay. Yes, it’s still hurt a lot but I used to it and I know that I will live my life like this… I will continue living my life in pain knowing that I can’t have her again.

It still feels like yesterday. I know someday we will be together again but for now I will continue to live my life’s purpose.

I miss you so much Ayumi… Happy birthday my Angel 🙂

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