Can you see the change in me? It may not be so obvious to you.<\/p>\n
I participate in family activities. I attend family reunions. I help plan holiday meals. You tell me you’re glad to see that I don’t cry any more.<\/p>\n
But I do cry. When everyone has gone — when it is safe — the tears fall. I cry in privacy so my family won’t worry. I cry until I am exhausted and can finally sleep.<\/p>\n
I’m active in my church. I sing hymns. I listen to the sermon. You tell me you admire my strength and my positive attitude.<\/p>\n
But I’m not strong. I feel that I have lost control, and I panic when I think about tomorrow … next week … next month … next year.<\/p>\n
I go about the routine of my job. I complete my assigned tasks. I drink coffee and smile. You tell me you’re glad to see I’m “over” the death of my loved one.<\/p>\n
But I’m not “over it”. If I get over it, I will be the same as before my loved one died. I will never be the same. At times I think I am beginning to heal, but the pain of losing someone I loved so much has left a permanent scar on my heart.<\/p>\n
I visit my neighbors. You tell me you’re glad to see I’m holding up so well.<\/p>\n
But I’m not holding up well. Sometimes I want to lock my door and hide from the world.<\/p>\n
I spend time with friends. I appear calm and collected. I smile when appropriate. You tell me it’s good to see me back to my “old self.”<\/p>\n
But I will never be back to my “old self.” Death and grief have touched my life, and I am forever changed.<\/p>\n
By: ~Rhonda Wilson~
\nAsheboro, North Carolina<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Can you see the change in me? It may not be so obvious to you. I participate in family activities. I attend family reunions. I help plan holiday meals. You tell me you’re glad to see that I don’t cry any more. But I do cry. When everyone has gone — when it is safe… <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[253],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1307","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-grieving-mom"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bubblymom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1307","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bubblymom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bubblymom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bubblymom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bubblymom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1307"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/www.bubblymom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1307\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1309,"href":"https:\/\/www.bubblymom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1307\/revisions\/1309"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bubblymom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1307"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bubblymom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1307"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bubblymom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1307"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}