><\/p>\n
None of this is made up. People really did put this stupid crazy shit on their resumes or job applications. <\/p>\n
1. I am very detail-oreinted. <\/p>\n
2. My intensity and focus are at inordinately high levels, and my ability to complete projects on time is unspeakable.<\/p>\n
3. Thank you for your consideration. Hope to hear from you shorty!<\/p>\n
4. Enclosed is a ruff draft of my resume.<\/p>\n
5. It\u2019s best for employers that I not work with people.<\/p>\n
6. Here are my qualifications for you to overlook.<\/p>\n
7. I am a quick leaner, dependable, and motivated.<\/p>\n
8. If this resume doesn\u2019t blow your hat off, then please return it in the enclosed envelope.<\/p>\n
9. My fortune cookie said, \u201cYour next interview will result in a job.\u201d And I like your company in particular.<\/p>\n
10. I saw your ad on the information highway, and I came to a screeching halt.<\/p>\n
11. Insufficient writing skills, thought processes have slowed down some. If I am not one of the best, I will look for another opportunity.<\/p>\n
12. Please disregard the attached resume-it is terribly out of date.<\/p>\n
13. Seek challenges that test my mind and body, since the two are usually inseparable.<\/p>\n
14. Graduated in the top 66% of my class.<\/p>\n
15. Reason for leaving last job: The owner gave new meaning to the word paranoia. I prefer to elaborate privately.<\/p>\n
16. Previous experience: Self-employed-a fiasco.<\/p>\n
17. Exposure to German for two years, but many words are inappropriate for business.<\/p>\n
18. Experience: Watered, groomed, and fed the family dog for years.<\/p>\n
19. I am a rabid typist.<\/p>\n
20. I have a bachelorette degree in computers.<\/p>\n
21. Excellent memory; strong math aptitude; excellent memory; effective management skills; and very good at math.<\/p>\n
22. Strengths: Ability to meet deadlines while maintaining composer.<\/p>\n
23. I worked as a Corporate Lesion.<\/p>\n
24. Reason for leaving last job: Pushed aside so the vice president\u2019s girlfriend could steal my job.<\/p>\n
25. Married, eight children. Prefer frequent travel.<\/p>\n
26. Objective: To have my skills and ethics challenged on a daily basis.<\/p>\n
27. Special skills: Thyping.<\/p>\n
28. My ruthlessness terrorized the competition and can sometimes offend.<\/p>\n
29. I can play well with others.<\/p>\n
30. Personal Goal: To hand-build a classic cottage from the ground up using my father-in-law.<\/p>\n
31. Objective: I want a base salary of $50-$60,000 dollars, not including bonus. And some decent benefits. Like a retirement plan, health insurance, personal or sick days.<\/p>\n
32. Experience: Provided correct answers to customers\u2019 questions.<\/p>\n
33. Education: Graduated from predatory school with honors.<\/p>\n
34. Never been fired, although it could happen anytime now.<\/p>\n
35. I have happily been a \u201ckept man\u201d for the past 10 years.<\/p>\n
36. Have extensive experience in turkey manufactures as well as new product development and implementation.<\/p>\n
37. I am accustomed to speaking in front of all kinds of audiences. I make points as well as I can.<\/p>\n
38. Personal: Five children. Dog: Jasper. Cat: Morris. Gerbil: Binky.<\/p>\n
39. While in military, was instrumental in creation of a treat detection system.<\/p>\n
40. My compensation package at my last job included a base salary of $64,500 with excellent benefits including flextime. I am looking for a position in which I can work a more flexible schedule.<\/p>\n
41. Hire me and you won\u2019t regret it – I am funny, cute, smart and creative\u2026 really.<\/p>\n
42. Referees available upon request.<\/p>\n
43. Previous rank: Senior instigator.<\/p>\n
44. I have recently sold my home and I now live in a large RV so I will be able to relocate quickly.<\/p>\n
45. Reason for leaving: They stopped paying me.<\/p>\n
46. Cover letter: Desire the chance to showcase my delightful personality, intelligence and superior judgment, which are so hard to find these days.<\/p>\n
47. Personal achievements: Successfully played \u201cChop Sticks\u201d on a toy piano with my big toes.<\/p>\n
48. Objective: To obtain a position where I can make a difference, infecting others with my professionalism, enthusiasm and dedication.<\/p>\n
49. Strengths: Impersonal skills.<\/p>\n
50. Special interests: I like any projects that are fun.<\/p>\n
51. Please explain any breaks in your employment career: 15 minute coffee break while working at a home improvement store.<\/p>\n
52. Vocational plans: Sea World.<\/p>\n