{"id":4980,"date":"2016-02-14T04:20:48","date_gmt":"2016-02-13T20:20:48","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.bubblymom.com\/?p=4980"},"modified":"2016-02-14T04:26:39","modified_gmt":"2016-02-13T20:26:39","slug":"still-2","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.bubblymom.com\/?p=4980","title":{"rendered":"Still&#8230;"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><a class=\"boxer\" href=\"http:\/\/www.bubblymom.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/02\/IMG_0679-e1455394764471.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignleft wp-image-4982\" src=\"http:\/\/www.bubblymom.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/02\/IMG_0679-e1455394764471.jpg\" alt=\"IMG_0679\" width=\"417\" height=\"556\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.bubblymom.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/02\/IMG_0679-e1455394764471.jpg 480w, https:\/\/www.bubblymom.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/02\/IMG_0679-e1455394764471-225x300.jpg 225w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 417px) 100vw, 417px\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p>I am still grieving..<\/p>\n<p>I thought that pain will just go away.. but I realized that it never went away, it is just inside of me. I just keep it, hiding deep inside of me.<\/p>\n<p>There were days that when I woke up and every detailed of what happened keeps on flashing infront of me. I wanted to scream! I wanted to run and get away to all of this.. but I know that I can&#8217;t escape this pain.<\/p>\n<p>Pain will be forever deep inside of me so all I have to do is live with it. I will just hide the pain inside of me&#8230; \u00a0eternally.<\/p>\n<p>Life is quite okay now.. There are so many things going on. Actually, wonderful things&#8230; I am happy with it. I am grateful for all the blessings but I just can&#8217;t deny the fact that I am still grieving. It will always be like this&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>I will always like this&#8230; no matter what.. even life will shower me with everything, my life will never be complete. I will never feel that complete happiness ever!<\/p>\n<p>Because of what happened, because I lost her&#8230; maybe that is the reason why I am more passionate in everything I am doing. I have an instant connection with the people around me. I am now more sensitive to the needs of others. I am more careful of my decisions. Well, that is maybe the lessons of everything.<\/p>\n<p>Xavier will be turning 2 years old next month and maybe this is the reason why I am quite emotional lately. I lost Ayumi when she was 2 years old and 3 months. I am quite emotional. So many thoughts are going on my mind right now. There are a lot and I am hoping that I will be fine soon.<\/p>\n<p>I just can&#8217;t believe that everything seems happening so fast. I can&#8217;t believe that I experienced lost that is too hard to deal. I really can&#8217;t believe that I am in this dimension\u00a0and experienced all at the same time.<\/p>\n<p>Bittersweet indeed!<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><a class=\"boxer\" href=\"http:\/\/www.bubblymom.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/02\/f3226a172644e8e708bf744745197b8d.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignleft size-full wp-image-4981\" src=\"http:\/\/www.bubblymom.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/02\/f3226a172644e8e708bf744745197b8d.jpg\" alt=\"f3226a172644e8e708bf744745197b8d\" width=\"564\" height=\"791\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.bubblymom.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/02\/f3226a172644e8e708bf744745197b8d.jpg 564w, https:\/\/www.bubblymom.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/02\/f3226a172644e8e708bf744745197b8d-214x300.jpg 214w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 564px) 100vw, 564px\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>I am still grieving.. I thought that pain will just go away.. but I realized that it never went away, it is just inside of me. I just keep it, hiding deep inside of me. There were days that when I woke up and every detailed of what happened keeps on flashing infront of me.&hellip; <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":4983,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[196,253],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-4980","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-ayumi","category-grieving-mom"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bubblymom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4980","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bubblymom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bubblymom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bubblymom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bubblymom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=4980"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/www.bubblymom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4980\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4985,"href":"https:\/\/www.bubblymom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4980\/revisions\/4985"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bubblymom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/4983"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bubblymom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=4980"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bubblymom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=4980"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bubblymom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=4980"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}