Dear Ayumi,
Tomorrow is the 40th day without you! Most of the days, I still feel the pain. I miss you everyday and God knows how much I long for you. Everyday, I view your pictures and videos and it made me feel good and sad at the same time because I know that you’ve been with us but you’ve gone so soon.
Losing you is the most painful experience and I was so down because of the thought that I can’t have you anymore. You are so precious to us and letting you go is really hard.
As your mom, I would like to promise you something. I know that you’ve known me as a happy and strong mom. Since you’ve been gone, I realized that I was not that same person anymore. Everyday, I turned into a different one. I’m afraid that you might not recognized me anymore because I’ve changed a lot. For the honor of you, I will stay as the mom you’ve known. I will stay as your happy and strong mom. No matter how painful the situation now, I will stay as cheerful as ever. I know that there are days that I will turn into a different one but I promise to give my best to be your best mom. I will continue to live my life to the fullest because I know that is what you want. I will continue to stay as the old me because that is how you know me. Though pain is unbearable but I will live each day with that pain in me, I will continue living each moment with hopes, dreams and love. I hope that in this little sacrifices I have, you will feel proud of all my efforts.
There are some fears and uncertainties and sometimes I don’t know anymore on how to deal with those feelings but I promise to stay strong no matter what the future may brings and I will continue to believe that something better will happen.
I know I will shed more tears and be sad sometimes but believe me, I am trying so hard and I know with your help I can get through this. No more goodbyes because everyday I can still feel you are with us. I can still feel your presence and I believe that you are just one breath a way. Everytime I ask something from you, you always show something that reminds me that you are just around. I am very thankful for that and I know that you will stay with us forever. I feel so blessed to be your mom. I know that you brought so much joys to heaven. I am grateful to God for allowing me to be your mom for 2 years and 5 months. Thank you very much for all the joys you bring to our lives.
Your memories are in my heart forever. Don’t worry about us anymore. I love so much! I miss you!
Please grow your wings and tell me more about it someday… until then baby!
