When I lost Ayumi, I really don’t know how to start my life all over again. I don’t know how to deal with pain. I think expressing everything that I feel through this blog is a big help to cope the pain. Some of my friends thought that I already move on. Well, moving on is hard and I don’t know if I am really doing it now. My personal life is way different now. I am showing that I am okay but deep inside I am still empty. I am longing for my Pillow. I miss her smile, kisses, stories and everything about her. I just asked her to be in my dreams always because that is where we meet, where we continue being together and I love it and I am so lucky that she follows my requests.
I decided to move on because I don’t want to live in so much sorrow because I believe that if I am into deep sorrow my Pillow can’t get through me. I want her to see that I am okay so that she can easily contact me and that is happening right now. She is just one breath away.
We also have a business and we handle people and I don’t want to mess the life of our people because of my depression. I need to take care of them too. I need to be strong for them.
My view about life right now is so different from before. I think I matured spiritually. I read books about parents who lose child to understand and check if my feeling is normal. Being in this painful journey is not easy but with the help of my husband, son, friends and relatives around me I know that I can make it.
On Monday, I will open a new business, the Grand Opening of my Spa. I am excited for this new business because we plan this business since December and supposed to open last Month but since we lost Pillow, we move it to February. I think this is the right time because this is something new that can occupy my mind, that can make us busy again.