Yesterday, I went to my eldest son’s school. I choose to be with him at least a week so that I have updates of his school performance. So far he is doing great at school. Lately, I observed that he is more sweet and more aware of the things happening in the household. Sometimes he keeps on checking her sister pictures and videos and it made smile because I know that he misses her sister. After his class, we had our dinner. Usually we are four and now we are just three. There is empty space in the table.
Then we went to department store and there I saw pink clothes for Ayumi. I can’t help but feel sad. I keep on touching the clothes and wishes to buy it but she can’t wear it anymore so I stop myself and headed to the other section of the department store. I also wanted to buy new toys but I control myself. I can’t do it anymore. It’s been 3 months since I never go shopping for toys and kids clothes. I don’t want to stay longer in the mall because it really breaks my heart. I used to buy two items for the girl and the boy and now it feels so different.
When I was about to sleep, I feel the pain again. I miss her so much. There is emptiness. I wanted to hug her and smell again. I slept with tears and I wish to God that all of this is just a bad dream.
My life is way different now. I am happy at the same time sad. I am thankful for the blessings that keeps coming my way but I also wish that I still have my daughter with me.
Sooner, I will be opening a foundation in my daughter’s name and I hope in my little way, I can extend help and I hope that my little Ayumi will feel good about it.
(Me and hubby)