Finally, I got a chance to go out after 3 days of staying at home. I miss walking so much, so I asked hubby to bring me to the mall. So I got a chance to bought our spa supplies.
After going to the mall, we had coffee then went to the spa to check the staffs. During typhoon, our spa is still open because most of my massage therapist is staying in the spa so they don’t have anywhere to go and decided to keep the spa open even during the typhoon. So, the clients are keep on coming despite the bad weather. I am so thankful for this awesome blessings.
Anyway, it’s been a while since I talked about the loss of my daughter. In our house, we never stop talking about her. We never stop remembering her. We still always mention her name and it feels so good. I know that most of us are still in grief but we are dealing it one day at a time. Everyday, me and hubby talked about her. We always have this conversation about her only. We still think that she is still with us and though we know that physically she’s not with us but we know that she is still with us most of the time. Sometimes, I can’t help my tears but I know it’s just normal. I know that mother will never ever forget her child.
But, I never focused on that pain anymore. I am excited for this new baby. I am excited to feel the movement. Sometimes, I feel bad if I remember how painful I’ve been through when I lost Ayumi but I think it’s unfair to the new baby if I will keep dwelling on the past. This baby has nothing to do with that painful moment and though sometimes I don’t know if I am really ready for this new one or maybe I am just feeling this because of fear. I am determined to face fear and let go of my fear for the sake of this new baby. I know that we don’t know what the future may brings to us but I will do all my best to protect and show my love for this new baby. The new baby deserves our love and if I will continue to entertain FEAR then it will definitely affect the way I will take care of the baby.
So for now, I will avoid negative thoughts and just focus on good things. There are days that it’s hard but I will try it everyday. There are so much things to be thankful for and though my heart is aching, I am thankful for all the things that are happening to our lives right now.
Whenever I don’t feel good, I am trying to paint and this is what I did today. 🙂