If only I knew that I would lose a child, do you think I will still carry her in my tummy for 9 months?
If only I knew that the day will come that I will bury her, do you think I will still carry her around?
If only I knew that I will not see her again, do you think I will still give her the grandest parties?
If only I knew that I will not hug her for that long, do you think I will still spend sleepless nights with her when she was sick?
If only I knew that I will not hear her voice again, do you think I will ignore her every words?
If only I knew that I will choose a casket for her, do you think I have to plan her future?
If only I knew that I can’t have her in my side during the night, do you think I will still buy her a blanket to comfort her?
If only I knew that her days are just numbered, do you think I will take millions of pictures of her?
If only I knew that it would be her last Christmas, do you think I will get her all the toys that she wants?
If only I knew that I won’t be having her kisses anymore, do you think I will ask for more kiss or just avoided her kisses?
If only I knew that it would be this hurt losing a child, do you think I still have the courage to have her in my life?
No one knows that it will happen.
And even if I knew, I will never change a single thing.
I don’t have regrets for everything I’ve done for her.
Because that is the mother’s love and she deserves it all.
She deserves all my love and attention and if ever she will live again and I knew that it will end the way it ended, I will still show the love and care for her.
I will not change anything though I know how hard it is to lose a child.
Whatever the pain I’ve been through, I will take it all because having her in my life is bigger than the pain I am experiencing now.
I just miss you so much baby!
I love you!