I feel heavier now. My tummy is big and noticeable. I think I need to purchase more maternity clothes but I am so tired of going out. I am tired of going to the mall and shop. I don’t feel good lately. I am so emotional. Sometimes, I find myself browsing our old pics, specially the pictures of Ayumi, at first I am laughing because I remember how jolly my daughter but then I suddenly cry. This is really the crazy times. I don’t know but I can’t control my emotions lately.
I also need to rest and stay at home because I often feel dizzy when I am out. So I have no choice but to stay at home. I also like going around the village and driving the nearby coffee shops and supermarket in our area and it makes me feel good.
I hope that in the coming days, I will feel better so that I can do things that I want. I am not even visiting our spa today due to back pain. I just wanted to lie down and sleep.
This is crazy and I hope I will not be gaining more weight since my OB and Endo wanted me to control my food intake.
Sometimes I don’t feel good and remember the past, I just think of this baby and then I got my hope again. I feel good again knowing that there is someone inside of me that is waiting to be part of us. To feel my love. I think I should focus on this new baby instead of the past that just hurts me. I know that forever I will feel incomplete because I lost a daughter but it doesn’t mean that I can’t love again. I think I am so lucky because God give me a chance to become a mother again. I still remember when I celebrated my 34th birthday, my only wish that time is to become a mother again. Just 1 day after my birthday, I took a pregnancy test and I got a positive result. God answered my prayers that fast and that is a big favor from Him. I am so happy for this wonderful blessings and no matter how hard it will take I will cherish every moment of this pregnancy.
