When I feel down, I just look around me and appreciate the good things I have in life. There are moments when I wonder what is really my purpose but I realized that I should stop finding it out but I have to create my own purpose. Sometimes I don’t have the guts to do anything or I don’t realized the good things in life because of the pain I encounter but I know I should stop dwelling on that part because it will just affect on how I am dealing my every day life.
Of course I am still grieving and I know that I will forever long for my daughter. I will forever miss her. I am not holding back my tears if I wanted to cry. I often talk to hubby about the pain. We talk most of the time about our loss. But after expressing ourselves we need to go back to our daily routine because we know that we need to function well.
As what I always say, the new baby is not a replacement but a glimpse of hope for us to stand still. Some friends wishes us to have a new baby girl after our daughter died but deep inside of me I am wishing a baby boy. I am glad that God grant us this wonderful gift. Having a baby boy will help us to cope up. We will not compare this baby to his sister because they are way different. I can purchase any toys or baby items without comparing what I got before for Ayumi.
I always believe that God has a better plan and I trust in His plan.