I realized so many things lately. Sometimes I have this questions that keeps on running on my mind but for now it is pointless, specially if it will just make me less as a person. I am in a constant battle of staying happy or drowning myself to sadness. But I think I have both. I am extremely happy and sad at the same time. I am happy that I am pregnant again and everytime I feel the baby’s little kicks and turns I am extremely excited to hold him. I am excited to share the overwhelming love inside of me for our new baby. I am happy that despite what had happened we are now seeing new hope. What made me sad is that I won’t be able to share this happiness with my daughter. I always wonder if only she is here, our life will be more complete and happier. But I should not dwell on that anymore. I need to focus on the things that I can control, on the things that God given to me. God has taken my Ayumi back to Him but He showers us more blessings that we really can’t imagine we can have in less than a year.
There are so many things happened that are hard to explain because that’s how God works. You don’t need to understand everything, you just have to believe in Him.