Since I lost my daughter, I don’t feel like celebrating Mother’s day anymore. It’s been 2 years that I don’t really like it. I got emotional everytime I think of this event.
Some may thought that I feel okay now.. but the truth is, I am still not okay. I just learn how to cope but everyday I wish so hard to have my daughter’s back.
There are days that I just stop because all those painful memories are coming back.
I can’t believe that it’s been that long that I lost her because it still feels like yesterday. That hollowness in my heart will be forever empty. I still have that pain.. if you will look closer and know me better, you will definitely see how I tried so hard.
How I wish she is still with me… I wanted to know how it feels like talking to her, being with her and experiencing the beauty of life with her.
I don’t know but sometimes I feel like that everything is just a dream. That what happened was a bad dream and I can’t get away in that dream. I wish to wake up in that bad dream but everytime I woke up I still feel the pain then I realized that it was not a dream…
Despite that emptiness I feel, I got a reason to celebrate Mother’s Day. I know I have enough reason to celebrate Motherhood and that is because I have Gareth and Xavier.
I don’t want to be unfair to them. I don’t want to let them feel that they are not enough, that they can’t make me happy. Of course I am very happy and feel so blessed to have them. They are both awesome!
They are the reasons why I am working so hard right now. They are the reasons why I should move on. They are the reasons why I should believe that there are things that we really can’t understand but we just have to accept it.
Because of my boys, I am now smiling again. Because of them, I started building my dreams again because they are already enough. I started to be okay. Though it is still painful but I can hide that painful feeling because I know that my boys are doing so hard to make me believe that there are still too much to look forward for.
Happy Mother’s Day to all Moms, specially to all grieving moms!