When I lost Ayumi, it was the worst pain ever!
I still remember that time when I keep on saying to hubby “grabe ang sakit sakit naman nito.. parang hindi natatapos ang sakit, sobrang sakit na parang hindi kayang ipaliwanag ng isip, na parang may nawala na parte ng puso ko.” Sobrang sakit na wala ka ng maiiyak dahil sa sobrang sakit, dahil hindi mo na rin alam kung papano iexplain ang sakit.
Ngayon masakit pa rin. I woke up wondering how I really survived. Hindi nawala ang pain, nasanay na lang akong mabuhay na dala dala ang pain. I really don’t know if this is what you call survival but I must say that I’m just living one day at a time. There are days that I wish so hard that she is still with us. Xavier is growing so fast and I can’t control myself, if only Ayumi is still with us, siguro mas masaya. Siguro may kalaro si Xavier at sana mawitness ko kung paano ba maging ate si Ayumi. Ang daming tanong.. ang dami ko sanang gustong maexperience na kasama sya.. pero hindi na hinayaan ng pagkakataon na mangyari.
Maybe God has a reason and until now I still don’t understand the mystery why He let me experienced that pain but I believe in Him. I believe that He knew better.
Yes.. I am forever grieving and forever enduring this worst feeling!