Personal – Page 8 – Bubbly Mom

Tired

It’s a middle of the week but it seems that I am so tired already.

Actually, I started a new work out routine and that is running, in interval with my walking. I tried it for the first time yesterday for 30 minutes and now I feel so exhausted. I never tried running for years already and maybe my body is still adjusting.

The good thing about this is my blood sugar went down and almost close to normal. I also avoided eating rice every night. I am now into low carb diet and it seems that it is working. I am excited for this new method I am working right now and I am positive that it will definitely work.

So while my body is still adjusting.. I am giving myself time and I will do my exercise routine every other day, until my body will get used to it.

Yay! I am exhausted but I am happy. I know that eventually my body will long for this kind of routine. So I am just taking it slow..

So that’s it for today… I think I need to sleep now.

It was Crazy…

Yesterday is one of those crazy days of my life.

I was working for almost 16 hours yesterday. I stayed in the office until 10am. It was crazy. I am not a morning person, kaya kapag naarawan ako, sumasakit talaga ang ulo ko. I really wanted to curl in bed in a very dark room. But I have work to do.. I have so many things to accomplish..

Then, when I checked FB, I saw a friend posted about a death of a child.. then that’s it! Everything went crazy.. I wanted to hug my kids and just look at them. The trauma sits in… I was covered in fears ones again. We headed home and the kids are waiting for us. I stayed with them for a while but I was so sleepy and they were so demanding to play with me. I gave in. Remember those things keeps running on my mind while I acted normal? Oh.. it was really difficult. Then calls keeps on coming and I have to deal with it. It was already noon and my body is screaming for sleep.

Then I went to bed.. but still I can’t sleep. I feel that my body is shaking, the past keeps on replaying on my mind and it is really affecting me. Then I become so sensitive… then I know I have panic attack!

I make a point to relax myself. I need to control my self every time this happen. There you go.. the reality of my life.

Here are tips on how to handle a panic attack - from Jodi Aman, author of the Anxiety-Schmanxiety blog. Did you know 6 million, 2.7% of Americans, have Panic Disorder. Women are twice as likely to be affected as men. Panic Disorder has a very high comorbidity rate with major depression.:

Trauma

Busy Day Ahead

It’s a busy day. We need to stay at the office until 5am then had our quick breakfast at Minced Manila. Then we went on to my errands.

We went to the bank, to car dealer and to the school to inquire for Xavier’s nursery program this coming June.

We went home around 11am and I was so tired already but still, I spend quality time with the kids then went to sleep.

It was quite a hectic day but it was fun since I got a chance to finish everything needed. Actually I am getting used to this kind of set up but of course I need to spend time resting as well.

There are so many things that need to be done right now but I am taking things slowly… oh.. for now. But I know eventually I will not be taking it slow…

Rest Day

For the past 2 days, I don’t want to do anything but I need to force myself to work because I have so many things to do. Maybe this is all because of hormones. You know that feeling that when you have your monthly period all you want to do is lie down and don’t want to do anything. I have that moment. I also have that moment that I am always starving. So today, I give in. I just lie down and watch movie with hubby and the kids and eat a lot. It is also the best time to relax.

Hubby keeps on teasing me that I can do these things because I am the boss.. ahhaah but I remember when I was an employee, I seldom have absences. I always see to it to come to work with all my best and maybe that is the reason that I don’t want to miss my work eventhough I am now the business owner because I have that discipline ever since. But I just love having this privilege to work on my own time but being a boss is quite different, I have more responsibilities towards my people and to the company. So it is not really easy…

Undas 2016

November 1 and 2 is the tradition of every Filipinos to visit our departed ones. So this time it is going to be a long weekend and we have enough time to visit.

It is always a nice feeling visiting them. We visited Papa and then Ayumi. We offer flowers, food and lighted candles. We wanted to stay late but due to bad weather, we cant’ stay longer.

I miss them so much… I really wish that they are still with us but I believe that wherever they are now, I know that they are watching over us and guided us in everything.

Thank you very much Papa and Ayumi. We love you so much.. and we miss you!

Time Out

I was not feeling well over the weekend. I was in bed most of the time, due to body pain, fever and uti. Even after taking my meds, I don’t feel right.

I decided to light candles for my departed ones and offered prayer.

After lighting candles, I suddenly feel good. Maybe the spirits are visiting me and they just wanted to be remembered.

So I take a little time off this time and spend most of the time watching movies with hubby and kiddos.

Painful Moments

When I experienced that painful moment of my life, I thought I can’t made it. Everyday was really unbearable. I wanted to end everything but I realized that I should go on. And I am glad I did!

Miracles Happened Everyday

Do you believe in Miracles?

I believe that Miracles happened everyday. Just waking up everyday is already a miracle that we should be thankful for.

I always believe in miracles… no matter how hard life punched me, I still believe in miracles.

Two years ago, when I was so down and lost, I decided to visit the Our Lady of Manaoag in Pangasinan. After that first visit, I know that something had changed in me and for me that is a big miracle already.

So last week, after receiving our Golden Globe Award, I decided to visit the Our Lady of Manaoag. My sister’s boyfriend also had stroke and I think we need to say our thank you’s because he’s boyfriend survived the attack.

Though we were so tired the night before, we still pursue our planned.

It was a great day! Walang ulan.. so sunny..

It was a 4 hour drive from Antipolo and we arrived around 6pm already. We had our quick dinner first.

Then we lighted candles and prayed…

On our way home, sobrang lakas ng ulan and I was so afraid kasi ang dilim dilim, hindi na halos makita ang daan, but I prayed to Mama Mary to guide and then we arrived home safely.

On the next day, Ruel (sister’s bf) feel so good and the side part of his body that needed therapy was okay and he can walk without any support. It is indeed a miracle.

As for me, I feel so good and whatever I requested was granted right away. I am really so thankful to Mama Mary for all the guidance.

Depression

Since my daughter died, I know from that very moment that it will definitely change my life. I changed and everyday is a struggle.

During the first year, it was really hard. Specially during the first weeks. Sobrang sakit na parang gusto ko ng mawala sa mundo. Sobrang sakit talaga, hindi ko maipaliwanag kung gaano kasakit mawalan ng isang anak. I never wish to anybody that kind of pain kasi sobrang sakit talaga, na parang sa sobrang sakit mas gusto mo na lang mawala sa mundo. But… I stand up and I believe that I will get through it.

Days and months had passed, I started to pick up the pieces…

Years had passed and here I am… still depress. There are days na parang gusto kong sumigaw at umiyak lang ng umiyak pero hindi ko ginagawa, hindi ko alam pero parang hindi ko na pwedeng gawin. There are days na gusto ko syang makasama at maramdaman ulit yong masayang time na kasama ko pa sya. Marami akong gustong gawin na kasama sya pero alam ko hindi na mangyayari. So what I did was shut up, look outside then tears just keep on flowing then maging okay na ako. But in some unexpected time, mararamdaman ko na naman ulit, parang cycle lang lahat and I really don’t know kung hanggang kelan to.

She will be turning 6 years old next week and maybe this is the reason kung bakit eto na naman ako, nalulungkot ako at gusto kong tumakas sa kalungkutan na to. I want to go somewhere alone… pero hindi ko pwedeng gawin. Sa dami ng responsibilidad ko ngayon, hindi ko pwedeng malugmok sa kalungkutan. Hindi ako pwede maging mahina.

I am just sad, I just wonder why it happened to me. Why I need to experienced such pain? For the longest time, I never got answered by those questions until I got tired and just stop asking. I know that I can’t get a right answer, so I just have to live with this pain. I just have to believe that maybe someday I will understand.

I think Nobody really knows me and if someone did, he maybe a lucky one.