When we were at Korea, we are very busy doing our tour and exploring the place. We didn’t visit theme parks because it will only hurt us. Everytime we saw a baby looks like Ayumi, we can’t help ourselves but smile and start remembering her then hold our tears.
I really don’t know when the pain strikes again but this time I learn to manage it.
There is this one tourist who just asked me something about my kids:
Old Lady: How many kids do you have?
Me: 2
Old lady: Really? is it a boy and girl?
Me: yes, boy and a girl.
Old Lady: You should bring them here in Korea on spring so that they can enjoy the theme parks. Winter is not for kids.
Me: Yes we will bring them here.
Then, I stop the conversation. I do something to change the topic.
See, it’s really hard, while talking to her I am holding my tears. I am trying not to show to her that I only have 1 child left and that is so hard. I don’t want to share it to stranger and besides we are on tour, I don’t want them to feel sad.
Whenever we have the alone time, we really can’t help but talk about her. There are moments that we just cried and we let it be. This is the reality and new normal for us. I know the pain will never gone and I know that I will live each day with this pain.
