I always asked Why? Why all this things need to happen? I have so many questions. I even wondered if I am a bad person. I don’t know but there are so many questions coming everyday. The worst part is I don’t get any answers. Most of the time, I just left the questions hanging.
Everytime I checked her pictures and videos, I still feel amused because I can’t believe it that she is already gone. The videos that I have with her reminds me everyday that she stayed with us. That she is with us for 2 years and 5 months. It hurts so much to think that the life I used to live is now change forever. I can no longer touch her chubby cheeks and feel her kisses and hugs. I miss her everyday!
Moving on? that is what people want me to do. With all the pain I am right now, I don’t think I can move on. I don’t know how to start moving on but believe me, I am hiding the pain. If ever you see me laughing and smiling again, I am not moving on. I am just hiding the pain. The pain that will continue to grow until I will see her again.
Some people told me that I am still young and we can always have a new baby. Yes, we can have but I don’t think I can have a new baby as a replacement for her loss. No one can replace her. If ever we will have a new baby, a baby is not a replacement but a new blessings. Ayumi will always be special and no one can replace her in my heart.
I can have a dozen more children in the future but Ayumi will stay special. I will forever miss her and longing for her.
