Year: 2013

 

It’s my very favorite place.
I feel closer to you there.
We rock the hours away.
Me and your Teddy Bear.

The rocking chair is squeaking,
as rocking chairs will do.
I pretend the one I’m holding
isn’t Teddy Bear, but you.

I miss your little chubby cheeks.
They were so fun to kiss.
Cuddling you, and hearing you goo
are among the things I miss.

Precious memories of you linger.
My child I miss you so.
I hope one day my heart will heal.
It’s hard to let you go.

When in time God calls me home
to be with you up there;
With joy I’ll hold you in my arms
instead of Teddy Bear.

By Ron Tranmer ©

I thought of you and closed my eyes And prayed to God today.

I asked what makes a Mother And I know I heard him say.

A Mother has a baby This we know is true.’
But God, can you be a Mother When your baby’s not with you?
Yes, you can, He replied With confidence in His voice
I give many women babies When they leave is not their choice.
Some I send for a lifetime And others for a day.
And some I send to feel your womb But there’s no need to stay.
I just don’t understand this, God I want my baby here
He took a breath and cleared His throat And then I saw a tear.
I wish I could show you What your child is doing today.
If you could see your child smile With other children and say:
“We go to earth to learn our lessons Of love and life and fear.
My Mommy loved me oh so much I got to come straight here.
I feel so lucky to have a Mom Who had so much love for me
I learned my lesson very quickly My Mommy set me free.
I miss my Mommy oh so much But I visit her each day.
When she goes to sleep On her pillow’s where I lay.
I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek And whisper in her ear.
“Mommy don’t be sad today I’m your baby and I’m here.”
So you see my dear sweet one Your children are ok
Your babies are here in My home And this is where they’ll stay.
They’ll wait for you with Me Until your lesson is through.
And on the day that you come home They’ll be at the gates for you.
So now you see what makes a Mother It’s the feeling in your heart.
It’s the love you had so much of Right from the very start.
Though some on earth may not realize You are a Mother until their time
is done. They’ll be up here with Me one day And you know
you’re the best one!

I don’t know how to start it but this is the most painful part of my life. I never thought that I would lose a child. As a mother, I always dream of growing old with my kids but it seems that that dreams is so blurry.

Last, Jan. 3, 2013, while everyone is still have a holiday season hangover, I lost my daughter, Ayumi Janelle. She is 2 years old. As of now, I don’t know yet on how to cope up but I hope in a right time I can accept it wholeheartedly.

Yesterday, I said my final goodbye and until now I still feel numb. I miss her so much and I wish to God that He will take care of my baby and I hope she is happy with all the angels in heaven.

I know there are so much things to say but for now, I just want to keep it with me. I believe that in that way, I can still keep part of her with me.

I miss you so much baby!