The baby is now on it’s 36th weeks and my OB scheduled to have my CS operation on March 10 but I have to have 1 more ultrasound to check the baby and if he is not stress then we will follow the March 10 schedule or else we will schedule it earlier. There are so many things that keeps coming on my mind lately. Yes, I am afraid. I don’t know but the whole operation really scared me but I have no other way. The trauma is keeps on coming back and sometimes it is really hard to deal with it.
I am praying so hard to keep me and the baby safe during the whole procedure. I am also hoping that this baby is really for us. I never thought that losing a child will definitely change the way how you look at life. I was never like this before, but now everytime I think of the future I am so afraid. It is really so hard living in fear and hubby told me that after giving birth, I should continue seeing our grieving counselor and for me that is the best option. I need someone to help me get through this pain. I know that I should be okay, specially that I am managing everything and if I am not okay, it might affect the family and business.
Hormones? Yes, that is what I am thinking too. Maybe everything is just because of the hormones so I have to wait until my pregnancy is over. I hope I will be okay by then. It is not easy dealing with my roller coaster emotions.
By now, I have to take things easy. I am still doing my crochet project and keep on reading happy books. I also see to it to think of happy thoughts only.
I am thinking that at the end— Everything will be okay. I know it. 🙂