I really don’t know on how to start this post but I just need to put this one here…
For the past weeks, I am not really okay, many would think that I should be happy but really, I am happy for what’s going on with my life right now and I really appreciate it but there are things in life that you still feel that emptiness despite of what you have because you know deep inside of you that you can’t have that one thing you ever wish for.
There are moments when I woke up and I thought that I have a great day, then suddenly something from my past keeps on replaying. That hospital scene during Ayumi’s last hours keeps on replaying.. and while it happen I wanted to scream and cry but I can’t make it. I don’t know how to react! It just keeps playing until I got tired and numb then I just go on with my daily activity. That’s how usually my day starts.
So many great things are going on right now particularly in our business but behind all of this is a feeling of lost and emptiness. It is going to be like this and maybe this is what they called the New Normal and I am embracing it now. Maybe I should get used to this feeling, maybe I should get used to this nightmare and I just hope that my body and the whole system will go with the flow and it will make me feel better.
