It’s been a week now that I’m not okay. I am somewhat restless. I wanted to have a quick getaway because I think I am so stressed out already. I need time alone. I need to reassess my life.
But..
I can’t do it. I have so many things to do.
Since, I can’t go, I have to do something to divert my mind and emotions.
I finished my paintings and book.
I also do some online shopping. I visited my favorite website and just click the items I like and added them to cart and I know eventually, I will delete those items, because in reality, I really don’t need them. I was eyeing for make ups, dresses, tops and shoes, but then I realized that I just spent too much last month for clothes and I think I don’t need them. But when I check my closet, I don’t like what I have anymore, so there… I will keep those in my cart and I know one day, I will pay for it.
I am also checking a paint online shop. I also added some oil paint colors that I needed but I’m still contemplating if I really need those. ahhahah eto na naman.. but I need to have 100 paintings. Okay.. bakit 100? Kasi ganito yan..
One time I had a dream, I was talking to my father. I told him that I am so lonely and sad. So depressed that I wanted to end my life. He look at me in the eyes and told me to paint… just paint. Sabi ko, paano kung malungkot pa rin ako, paano kung hindi effective. Sabi nya, basta magpaint ka lang, padamihin mo, hanggang umabot ng 100. Then he left.
Parang alam ko na kung alin ang icheck out, I think yong sa paint store. ahhaha
Anyway, I got a news today about a relative who passed away. I really don’t know on how to react at first because we somehow closed at first then somehow lost it along the way. Despite of what happened, I know deep in my heart that I’ve forgiven her…