Thoughts

So 2021 came… then suddenly I was shocked of what happened…

Actually, I don’t really know how to open this thing here but as you know this blog is my personal space to express whatever I feel or anything I want to share… So think I should write it here just to release whatever I’ve been carrying since January 3, 2021.

Around 2am, I got a message from the office that one of my leaders died. It was a shocked to me. For minutes, I can’t move, I had chills and I don’t know what to say. It’s hard to believe… it was so painful. He was my leader for more than 2 years and we worked together for that long and I got to know him personally and in just like that he’s gone.

I was deeply affected. For a week, I was grieving and everytime I am in the office, it was not the same anymore. I lost a leader in my organization and this is the first time so I really don’t know what to do. By the way, it is not covid related so there is nothing to worry about health protocol in the office.

It took me a while before everything sinks in. I know he is in a better place now. It will never be the same but I need to be strong for the company. I know as a business owner, I will be strong and be able to step forward fast when something like this will happen but I am only human. Sometimes, I can’t carry it well but I always give myself time to mourn and heal also.

So that’s it.. I finally said it here and I hope this post will somehow lighten the heavy loads I am carrying this past few weeks.

I know I will get over it but for now… I am giving myself time to mourn…

First Meeting of 2019

Most of the time I am just staying at home because I need to finish my thesis for the 2 subjects.

So…  I spent almost 16 hours working and doing my school papers. Since I have business to manage, most of the time I am managing my business and when I have still energy then that’s the time I am doing my school papers.

But really… it is just time management. After all these years, I finally master on what’s to do first.

and believe me… social media is not helping. I am avoiding checking my FB and instagram when I am started working because I need to focus.

That is also the reason why I am not updating my blog so often.

Anyway, I had my first meeting of the year and this one is really very important.

I will talk more about it next time…when the time is right!

We had a meeting at a nearby cafe and as usual this is my order..

and my happy face because the meeting was successful!

I believe that 2019 and beyond is the best!

 

Just Chilling

The only time I went out was on Christmas Day and then after that I just stayed at home because I had asthma attack and the weather is still so bad.

There is storm coming and it was not a good time to go out. I wanted to go to in the beach but it’s not a good time to go.

So here I am just taking time to rest. I need to finish reading this book and somehow I got busy with this and of course doing my school paper. I need to finish it because we need to submit it early next month.

I had a very bad dry cough and itchy throat and I know this is allergy to the weather or food or something I don’t really know. So I  had to take antihistamine. I don’t get enough sleep too. Oh my.. I hope I will feel better soon.

I know this is my way to taking a time out. I’ve been working so hard this year and I know I just need to regain my strength. I was abused this year… so many people take advantage of me and it really affects me and somehow my health suffered a lot.

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Yes, I don’t have to seek revenge, I know that God has a better plan for me. I just focus on what really matters. I don’t have to dwell on those negative things that happened. I have to get up and continue to focus on my business and make it bigger.

So there.. I don’t have time for any negativity now…

From now on, I will give thanks for whatever I have because in that way more good things will happen!

I wish everyone a safe and healthy year ahead!

Karma!

2018 is almost over. But this year is quite a harsh one!

So many people take advantage of me and my family.

I met different persons that I thought was real and sincere but it ends up just using me, my business and my family.

It just so happened that I trust easily. Sometimes I don’t think people will take advantage of me but it happened.

This year was the worst…

I thought they were sincere…  I let them enter into my world, treat them nice and even let them part of the family.

Then on the latter part, I see the realness of them. That what they’ve shown was all fakes. I thought they were gold, gold plated lang pala.

Of course it hurts me. My health was even affected. Maraming naapektuhan sa pagtiwala ko sa taong yon. I lost money and time. Yong time na sana mas nag focus na lang ako sa ibang bagay at mas nakabawi pa ako sa losses ko pero hindi, masyadong na take advantage. Ang nakakaloka pa mas matanda sa akin, way older at akala mo matino. Akala ko may malasakit sa akin yon pala gusto lang makakuha ng pera. Scammer pala.

So eto, since I lost much of my time, naghahabol ako ngayon na makabawi, na maisalba ko pa kung man ang pwedeng mawala sa akin. I am working double time at eto medyo apektado ang health. It’s been a while na gusto ko na din etong ipost dito para man lang marelease ko na ang sama ng loob ko at baka eto pa ang dahilan na maging okay ako. Since this is my outlet, tingin ko dapat lang na ilabas ko na dito sa blog ko.

As a businesswoman, I realized so many things lately. Kahit gaano ka pa ka sincere sa mga tao sa paligid mo ang tingin sayo ng tao ay may pera at gagawin nila lahat na makakuha sayo. That’s a sad reality. Dahil dyan, malamang magbabago na ako ng pakikitungo. Hindi ko naman kasi iniisip ang ganon eh, kasi hindi naman ako mayaman talaga. Nagnegosyo ako, may utang kami, minsan nag struggle ang company at ginawan namin ng paraan at ang goal ko lang ay makapag bigay ng trabaho pero bakit kailangang pag isipan pa ako ng masama. Pero yon nga ang realidad. Kailangan kong harapin at paunti unti babaguhin ko na. I should be alert na rin sa mga signals ng mga taong mga magtake advantage. As soon na maramdaman ko na yon, cut na agad sila sa buhay ko.

2018 is really a year of learning, still it was good. Kung nawalan man ako ng pera o material na bagay, ok lang yon, kikitain ko pa yon at pwedeng mas malaki pa don. Babawi ako this 2019 sa mga losses ko this year. I know I can make it. I’ve done it before and I know I can do better this time.

So don sa tao na nanloko sa akin at sa pamilya ko… yah! the quotes above is for you. I’m so busy to take revenge and I just let the Karma do the works.

I hope this will somehow makes me feel better…

 

 

Continuing Education Program

Last July of this year I enrolled in UP Open University. I took up Entrepreneur Accounting.

Then luckily, I passed and we had our closing ceremonies last Dec. 1.

I was still not completely okay that time but I really wanted to attend.

So I slept earlier than usual and make sure that I had enough rest.

Then we left in the house around 8am and arrived in Los Banos, Laguna around 12pm.

We had our lunch first..

It was a great moment. This is the first time I had short courses and I am glad that I’d finished it.

It was not easy…

I need to adjust my schedules in order to do my assignments and study my lesson.

Out of more than 50 students in my course, only 35% made it.

I am so proud of myself. 😀

This was my look for that day.

Back to Reality

After 2 days resting at home, I decided to go to office. I was still dizzy but I think I need to go out. I need to exercise my legs for balancing.

I was still look so pale and still sick.. but I made it.

then I went home with this little boy who always pray for me to feel better. I know that I should be feel better because of my kids.

I was just out for a day and they missed me so much.

I am indeed so lucky to have them. Life is still beautiful despite the uncertainties.

 

Unexpected Things Happened

November 22, 2018, 5am

While I was about to sleep, suddenly nahilo ako, sobrang hilo talaga. Yong parang sumakay ako ng roller coaster, parang buong paligid ko umiikot talaga. Nagpanic ako. So hubby checked my bp and it was 150/100. I was rushed to the ER.

I was confined until Saturday.

The whole experienced was terrifying since it was the worst vertigo attack ever!

My blood sugar shoot up too, it was over 400.

The doctor was trying to lower it and so far it was working.

My problem is my vertigo, ang tagal bago mawala. I already did the therapy and so far may improvement  naman.

 

Nov. 25, my first time without taking the serc for Vertigo at medyo naging ok na ako. Grabe ang effect ng Serc, mas lalo akong nahilo pero effective naman kapag severe attack talaga. The therapy somehow lessen the symptoms. I don’t feel any headache right now, so far so good. I hope no more vertigo attacks. It was really terrifying. 

Still medyo nahihilo pa rin ako but manageable na. I am still resting at home, I still don’t want to go out. I am taking my time..

 

At Los Baños

Los Banos is a special place for me. After Cebu, I went to Los Banos because my family transferred while I was in Cebu.

A place I learned so much about life.

Sobrang hirap ng buhay namin non sa Los Banos.

Si Mama nagtatrabaho sa beauty parlor at si Papa construction worker.

Kailangan kong magworking student kasi hindi talaga nila kaya bayaran tuition fee ko non. Lima kami at ako ang panganay.

I worked as a factory worker, night shift ako palagi para sa araw mag aaral ako. Sobrang hirap kasi malayo ang work sa bahay hanggang sa hindi ko na kayang pagsabayin ang work at studies. Mas pinili kong magwork na lang kasi mas kailangan namin ng pera.

Sobrang hirap nong time na yon kasi kahit pambayad sa ilaw at renta ay hindi namin kaya.

Parang wala kaming nakikitang pag asa non na umangat sa buhay.

Mga kapatid ko sobrang naapektuhan sa nangyayari sa buhay at umalis sila ng bahay.

Sobrang lungkot ko non, kasi feeling ko ang gulo gulo ng pamilya ko. Watak watak na kami.

Si Mama at Papa hindi na nagkakaintindihan. Palagi na silang nag aaway.

Hanggang nagkasakit si Mama, hindi namin maintindihan ang sakit non ni Mama. Don na depress din si Papa. Everynight na syang nag iinom  ng alak. Mainitin na ang ulo.

Pakiramdam nya bagsak na bagsak na kami.

Yon naman yong time na dito na kami sa Manila nakatira. Umpisa na ng career ko non sa Call Center.

Kahit papano nakakapagbigay ako sa kanila para sa renta at bills.

Pero hindi pa rin sapat.

Humina na lalo si Papa non. Everytime nasa hospital sya ako ang nag aasikaso sa bills. Hindi ko nga alam kung pano ko nalampasan lahat yon non.

Hanggang naging Stage 4 na ang Liver Cancer nya.

Gusto pa nyang lumaban nong time na yon kasi may mga maliit pa kaming mga kapatid.

Palagi ko kasing sinasabi sa kanya non na hindi ko kaya na wala sya. Kaya ayon lumalaban sya.

Hanggang sa tingin ko na hindi na talaga  nya kaya.

Don na kami nag paalamanan…

Sabi ko sa kanya na pwede na syang umalis… ako na bahala. Pero dapat bantayan pa rin nya ako kasi hindi ko kaya mag isa ang lahat.

Nong nawala sya sobrang depress ako.

Hindi ako makatulog…

Hindi ko pa rin matanggap na wala na ang taong naging lakas ng pamilya namin. Kapag may tatay ka kasi feeling mo may taga pagtanggol ka, na kaya mo lahat kasi andyan ang kakampi mo.

Dahil don kahit matagal na kaming wala sa Los Banos, hindi pwedeng mawala kami don, kasi andon si Papa. Don sya nakalibing at para sa kanya yon ang bahay nya. Marami ang nabago kay Papa simula nong lumipat kami sa Laguna at dahil don naging close kami.

Kaya sa Undas hindi pwedeng hindi namin sya dadalawin.

I left my heart in Los Banos at taon taon kong binabalik balikan….

 

I miss you so much Papa!

Thank you so much for looking after us all through these years…

Ginabayan mo ako palagi at yong pangako mo sa akin talagang tinupad mo.

Salamat!

Ngayon buo na ulit kaming magkapatid kasi tinulungan mo akong maging okay ang lahat.

 

Sunday

I have a meeting in Robinson, so we decided to bring the kids so they can play while I was in a meeting.

Favorite nilang sumakay ng train. 🙂

Ewan ko lang kapag naranasan na nilang mag MRT at LRT paglaki nila kung gugustuhin pa rin nila. 😀

3 chikitings…

Makukulits…

With Mommy

We also went to the church.

I pray na sana lahat ng wishes and hopes ko mangyayari  na.

I’ve been waiting for it for months na pero parang hindi pa right time… kailangan ko pa sigurong maghintay hintay.

I know God is preparing for something better or hindi pa right time…

Kahit ano pa yan, I’m just here living for His purpose for me. Alam ko na mangyayari lahat kung  para talaga sa akin.