We went home to Los Banos to visit my Papa’s grave.
The Gang
A little background story:
Year 2005 my father died due to a liver cancer. We are newly wed that time so basically we were just starting our career. During that time I was also trying to get pregnant so only my husband was working. When my father got sick we shoulder his treatment and we do everything to provide whatever he needed that time. I sent him to private hospitals and drained our little savings for his meds.
He saw how I struggle to help him.
One day, when he had his ultrasound, the Doctor told me his hopeless case. It was one of the saddest moment of my life. That was the first time that I feel so hopeless too.
I prayed to all the Saints and Angels to help my father.
I really don’t know on how to face my father that time but he already knew his health situation, siguro dahil katawan naman nya yon.
Nahihirapan na rin syang kumain that time.
Few days before he was gone, he was living with me at my rented apartment in Cainta.
My house was bare, we don’t have extra room for him to rest, he slept at the living area. Lahat kaming magkapatid ay nasa tabi nya nong last night nya. Natulog kaming katabi sya. He told us that he was happy with his life kahit daw madaming pinagdaanan na hirap. My father was an orphaned in an early age. Kung saan saan sya napupuntang kamag anak nong bata pa lang sya. May iba na kinupkop siya at may iba naman na pinapalayas sya. Masaya daw sya na kami ang naging anak nya. Masaya daw sya na kami nakasama nya kami hanggang sa huli.
Nong gabing yon, gusto na nyang umuwi sa Los Banos, kaya sabi ko inaayos na lang ang masasakyan nya pauwi ng Laguna. Pero nong umaga na bigla na lang syang nawalan ng malay.
Dali dali naming dinala sya sa hospital pero matagal syang walang malay pero after reviving him nagising din sya. Una syang tinanong ng doctor kung nakilala pa rin nya kami kasi karamihan daw sa may ganong cases hindi na agad nakakakilala. Pero grabe ang sharp ng memory ng Papa ko, nakilala agad nya ako.
Then another discussion sa mga Doctor, sabi nila wala na daw magagawa, hintayin na lang daw kung kelan kusang sumuko ang katawan ni Papa.
Feeling ko yon yong pinakamahirap na marinig, na sasabihan ka ng wala ng pag asa pero that time gusto ko pa rin talagang lumaban.
Walang wala na rin akong pera that time, hindi ko na alam kung ano ang gagawin. Kahit ang pag uwi namin sa Laguna ay hindi ko na alam kung saan pa kukuha ng paraan.
Nong nakita ko na parang nahihirapan na si Papa, lumalaban pa rin kasi sya pero hirap na hirap na syang huminga, lumapit ako sa kanya at kinausap ko sya. Sabi ko sa kanya na pwede na syang umalis.. pero wag nya pa rin kaming pabayaan. We made a promise… He made a promise… then he went HOME.
When I was a child, I still remember that everytime my father made a promise to me, he always do his best to honor his promises. There were times that he failed kaya yon ang naging dahilan kung bakit ako nagtatampo sa kanya. But later on bumabawi sya. Palaging ganon ang eksena namin, lalo na nong bata pa ako. But the promise he made before his last breath was indeed the best promises that we ever had. Until now, he is still fulfilling his promises.
I believe that whatever happened in my life right now, he is behind of it all. It’s hard to believe but he simply made everything happened and I know he will continue to do so. I really can’t believe on how he made it but it is all because of him.
That is why, I believe that death is not the end of it all, sometimes it is more powerful than we can imagine. Our departed love ones never really leaves us, they are still part of our life and just guiding us always. Just learn to recognize them and you will be amaze on how they really wanted to be part of our daily lives.
So Papa.. thank you so much! Love you and I miss you so much!