Late Post: Mother’s Day Celebration

Surprisingly, I got a number of greetings on Mother’s Day. I was surprised and touched.  On that day, I wanted to hide myself in our room and just forget about it.

So I stayed in bed and talked to Gareth:

Me: Greet your mom.

Gareth: I love you.

I have nothing else to say. So blessed…

 

We decided to visit Ayumi’s place and offer her 3 red roses and light a candle. I don’t know if she appreciates if I keep visiting her or she is wondering why I am visiting that place. I know someday she will talk about it. Sometimes, I don’t feel like visiting her place because I know she’s not there but sometimes it gives me peace to visit here. That is the only place where I can find peace specially during the BLAH moments.

After visiting her, we attended mass with my little sis, Gareth and hubby. It’s been a while that I never attended mass, maybe because I don’t feel good of doing it because of the pain I am carrying or because I still have those unanswered questions. What really happened is a test of faith as what my Mother Superior told me and I think she is right. It really tested my faith and because of that I don’t know anymore if I am still the person I used to be.  The experienced never harden me but molded me to be a better person. I know that some mother who have the same experienced like me loses their faith, some even tried ending their life. Well, I think about it too, specially those times that I don’t know anymore on how to deal with the pain. During those times that all I can see is dark and painful events and it seems that I don’t have purpose to live.

Today, I am not really that okay, but I am trying so hard. I don’t cry as often as before but I still cry in silence. I know that this pain will never stop so I have to deal with it in silence. When the lights are out and no one is looking at me then that is the moment I feel so empty and all I can do is face my Gareth and hug him and that only reminded me to carry on.

I don’t want flowers and cake this year so we decided to stay at Starbucks for a while and have some talked to my “Eldest”.

 

She is my youngest sister but everyone thought that she is my daughter because she is with us since she is 5 years old. When my father died she stays with us. She also calls me Mommy. 🙂

That’s how I celebrate my Mother’s Day and I would like to extend my heartfelt thanks to all my friends who greeted me this special day. You know that I don’t feel like doing it but you still tried. Thank you very much.

I know that no matter what I happened, I am always a mom to Ayumi.

I am forever grateful that God chooses me to be their mom.

 

 

 

Happy Birthday My Dear

We celebrated my husband’s special day yesterday. We had our simple celebration at The Fort with family. Hubby is now 34 years old and I wish him good health and happiness always. I wish that we will grow old together with more grandson and granddaughters. I hope that we will stay strong together. Having a husband like him is a dream come true. He is the best father to our kids and the best husband for me. We’ve been through a lot before we got married and even during our married life we have difficulties and the worst is losing Ayumi. We never thought that we can get through it all but with God’s help and grace we were able to face it and it made us a better one.

Here are some of the pictures from my phone:

 

 

 

The night before, I had a dream of Ayumi. She’s in our room and I keep on saying to her to greet daddy. She keeps on jumping and trying to reach his dad.  It was a great dream because I know she is still with us all the time, even on special occasions and I wish that she is still with us during this special day.

 

THE BUSIEST DAY IN HEAVEN

It’s the busiest day in Heaven,
I’m planning a big surprise,
To let you know I love you
and that no one ever dies.

Even though you’re down below
and I am up above,
I’m sending you these wishes
and all my Angel love.

It’s really quite exciting
to plan this big event,
For lots of gifts will come your way
and all are Heaven sent.

First I’ll take a bubble bath ~
my splashes might cause some rain,
But knowing all the fun I’m having
will help to ease your pain.

Next I’ll get some pictures
in my halo and my gown,
So when you get to Heaven,
you can show them all around.

I have color crayons in Heaven,
so I’ll draw some stars so bright
And place them in the sky today
for you to see tonight.

Then Jesus will have story time
and I will sit upon his lap,
He’ll tell me all about you
just before I nap.

I’ll wake up full of energy
and play a game or two,
Before I finish sending
all my love to you.

After snack I’ll write a song
for all the birds to sing,
And know I’ve made you happy
with all the joy it brings.

At night time I’ll be tired,
but I’ll still hold you tight,
My arms will wrap around you
and keep you through the night.

And when you finally slumber,
I will kneel to pray
Asking God to bless you
on this special Mother’s Day.

Love,
Your Little Angel

 

Photo: ~THE BUSIEST DAY IN HEAVEN~ --Author Unknown It's the busiest day in Heaven, I'm planning a big surprise, To let you know I love you and that no one ever dies. Even though you're down below and I am up above, I'm sending you these wishes and all my Angel love. It's really quite exciting to plan this big event, For lots of gifts will come your way and all are Heaven sent. First I'll take a bubble bath ~ my splashes might cause some rain, But knowing all the fun I'm having will help to ease your pain. Next I'll get some pictures in my halo and my gown, So when you get to Heaven, you can show them all around. I have color crayons in Heaven, so I'll draw some stars so bright And place them in the sky today for you to see tonight. Then Jesus will have story time and I will sit upon his lap, He'll tell me all about you just before I nap. I'll wake up full of energy and play a game or two, Before I finish sending all my love to you. After snack I'll write a song for all the birds to sing, And know I've made you happy with all the joy it brings. At night time I'll be tired, but I'll still hold you tight, My arms will wrap around you and keep you through the night. And when you finally slumber, I will kneel to pray Asking God to bless you on this special Mother's Day. Love, Your Little Angel

Mother’s Day

I decided that I don’t want to celebrate Mother’s day this year. I don’t feel like celebrating it. I know that some of you won’t understand it but I don’t really feel it. Of course I got some greetings from friends and families and I really appreciate it. Last year we celebrated it at the spa to have massage then later we had dinner, of course with Ayumi. Today is different. I had business meetings that keeps me busy the moment I woke up then after my business meeting I had dinner with hubby. We talked about our future plans and the past. We talked about Ayumi most of the time but lately is different. The pain is still there but we don’t live with that pain anymore. We accepted that she is really gone and all we can do is go on with our lives. We need to go on with our lives because our special son needed us more.

 

Mother’s day Wish for Grieving Mothers

 

 

 

New Gadget

The last time I bought new phone was 2 years ago. My first smart phone is iPhone 4 and there are new models already but I was never interested to have a new phone. Until I heard recently that the Samsung Galaxy S4 is available. I registered online to make sure that I can have my unit on time.

So we went to the event with Gareth and hubby.

 

I choose the white one and hubby got the black one. I decided to change my phone because we wanted to experience the LTE connection and we are very happy with the internet connection.

 

 

 

 

Hubby while configuring his new phone.

I am not giving away my iPhone 4 because it has sentimental value. All the videos and pictures of Ayumi was there. The apps she loved was there and I will keep the phone forever.