I am still grieving..
I thought that pain will just go away.. but I realized that it never went away, it is just inside of me. I just keep it, hiding deep inside of me.
There were days that when I woke up and every detailed of what happened keeps on flashing infront of me. I wanted to scream! I wanted to run and get away to all of this.. but I know that I can’t escape this pain.
Pain will be forever deep inside of me so all I have to do is live with it. I will just hide the pain inside of me… eternally.
Life is quite okay now.. There are so many things going on. Actually, wonderful things… I am happy with it. I am grateful for all the blessings but I just can’t deny the fact that I am still grieving. It will always be like this…
I will always like this… no matter what.. even life will shower me with everything, my life will never be complete. I will never feel that complete happiness ever!
Because of what happened, because I lost her… maybe that is the reason why I am more passionate in everything I am doing. I have an instant connection with the people around me. I am now more sensitive to the needs of others. I am more careful of my decisions. Well, that is maybe the lessons of everything.
Xavier will be turning 2 years old next month and maybe this is the reason why I am quite emotional lately. I lost Ayumi when she was 2 years old and 3 months. I am quite emotional. So many thoughts are going on my mind right now. There are a lot and I am hoping that I will be fine soon.
I just can’t believe that everything seems happening so fast. I can’t believe that I experienced lost that is too hard to deal. I really can’t believe that I am in this dimension and experienced all at the same time.
Bittersweet indeed!
