I still clearly remember the day I first heard you cry… and I cherished it so much! Today we supposed to be celebrating your 7th birthday but without you, I don’t really know how to celebrate your day. I’m feeling down today and I’m not in the mood of doing anything! We just opted of watching your birthday videos and order Jollibee. Because in reality when it comes to you I know I will never get over it. Most of the times I just let Daddy decides because in this very moment I am totally at lost.
But then I know I should remember everything about you that made us so happy and proud. I have those with me forever and I am so thankful for everything.
I woke up today and realized that I dream about you.. those last moment… those moment when I asked the doctor to do everything to keep you alive…
I knew it was your time but I’m still holding on because as a Mom that’s what we always do. I believe that Grieving Mom like me will understand.
The pain I experienced when I lost you was indescribable, both my mind and heart can’t fully understand. But I have my faith and it saves me. I know someday I will understand everything. But for now, I’m still silently grieving.
I wish that we have a grand birthday celebration today but here I am wondering how you will look like today and what are the things you will like. What will be your favorite colors, clothes and food… who will be your best friends and which places you want to go.
But don’t worry… I’ll be okay. Someday we will talk more about it!
Happy Birthday My Angel Ayumi!