Fear

Due to what I experienced, due to that trauma that keeps on playing on my mind, Fear is my constant company. I hate the feeling but believe me there are days that I can beat Fears. There are days that I just set it aside because I am so tired of dealing with it anymore!

I hate feeling it and sometimes I wanted to get rid of it and how I wish that I can put it away all my life but I think that is impossible. As a human being, that is already part of our lives and all we can do is live each day with it. It is our choice if we want Fear to lead our life or we have to fight for it.

It is always our choice…

 

I know there are darker days but always believe that something good will always come out. I know that staying positive will help us face our Fears.

 

I miss my little Ayumi so much.  The last scene keeps on playing on my mind right now. It’s quite different because I don’t panic anymore everytime I remember that painful moment. I am just wondering the exact time she last breath. I don’t know but it just made me sad.

 

I wanted to shout! I have questions but it seems that I can’t find the answer.

 

I am so emotional lately…

 

I even wonder what she is doing right now. I wanted to know her daily activities. I wanted to know her more. I wanted to have her more.

 

I am just longing for my baby and I can’t help but feel the emptiness and sadness again.

 

Being strong is not enough because there are really moments that I will fall in misery.

 

New Home

We finally move to our new house. I am so happy that we finally made it. The renovation was done for 3 weeks only and so far we are happy for the result. We are glad that the design we wanted was followed and it is so perfect for us. I love going home now because I am happy to be here.

So we transfer most of our things but we also purchased new furniture such as dining table, sofa and bed frames. After we put all our things together, I realized that my next step is to design every rooms.

Actually, I am excited and I can’t wait to start decorating the place but for now I am reading different home magazines and visiting interior designs website as an inspiration. I am also reading Feng Shui to help me decorate our house with harmony.

Actually, it was a busy weekend because on Friday we moved to our new house and on Saturday we had our Spa Grand Opening. It was a crazy week but so worth it.

I will be posting more about the updates of the interior next time.

 

 

Thankful

Yesterday was the Grand Opening of Angel Ayumi’s Wellness Spa. Everytime, I started something new, I always thanks to God first. He is the source of my success and I always give thanks to Him first.  We invited a priest to bless our spa and prepare food and invited friends and families to come over.

 

 

 

The Team

 

It was a simple and great celebration. We really had fun.

 

 

Moving On

The house is almost done and we will be going to move to our new house and I am quite sad maybe because all the memories of Ayumi is in our current house. This is where all the wonderful memories of her stays. If I think of leaving the place, I feel sad because I will surely miss the place and special part of me will stay in that place forever.

We need to transfer to a new place because we are planning of building apartments to our current place. This is sort of investment for us and I really can’t let go of the place. So I am not really letting it go but creating something new for that wonderful place.

I also need to let go of the painful memories to welcome a new chapter of my life. Though it’s hard but I have to because living in that painful moment will never help me face life. I believe that everything will fall into right place and all I have to do is to start letting go of the pain.

 

 

Since we are now packing our things, I also got a chance to see her clothes and toys again. I feel sad but upon checking all the toys and clothes, I can still pinpoint the wonderful memories of each of them. I know when and where did she first wear the dresses and why I bought those toys. I still have those wonderful memories.

 

 

It’s painful because all I have right now is just a memories. I know that I cannot have her again and create wonderful memories again. I wish that she stays longer so that we create more happy memories.

 

 

I wish that I can still have her kisses and hugs but I know God has a reason and no matter how difficult it is for us that she is gone forever, I have to endure the pain and I will continue to live my life to the fullest. I may not understand why all this things happen but I know one day I will found out why. I can’t wait for that AHA moment.

 

Random Thoughts

Monday is the busiest day but since I am almost done of my task, I think I should express some of my thoughts here. We are now preparing for moving to our new house. The renovation is almost complete and we are planning to transfer this weekend at the same time we will be having our Spa Grand Opening.

For so many good things that happen lately, I really don’t have time to think of all the pains. I am grateful for all the good things that happens to our life. But there are moments that I wonder if  Ayumi is still with us, is our life change this way? Did I still make this life decisions the same way?

I realized that everything just fall into right place and sometimes it’s so hard to grasp why all these things are happening but I believe that the Man above has better plan than my plan. He is really in control of everything and I think we really have to trust in Him because He alone knows everything.

I hope that my daughter is proud of me, of all the things I accomplished not just on the material things but on how we face the pain of losing her. I still miss her everyday but I know that she is in a better place and maybe no matter how hard we try, His plan is better than ours and I know that He has better plan for my daughter. Her life maybe short but it was well lived and full of happiness. I am so lucky that God gave me a chance to be her mom and show my eternal love to her.

I will forever miss and love my Ayumi. 🙂

 

Wish

Now that the renovation of the spa is done, I am thinking of opening a new business. 🙂

I am thinking of having my own cupcake and coffee shop. So here I am trying to figure out the interior of the shop while hubby is the one baking the cupcakes. He loves to bake and I think this is the perfect business for him. I know that God will provide and bless us with this new business. 🙂

 

Here are some of the designs I want:

Cupcakes

 

Cupcakes

 

Shirley Temple Cupcakes

 

 

A cupcake shop :)

 

cute cupcakes shops - Google Search

 

 

Saturday

I woke up early today for my blood sugar test. I’m glad that I made it on time and  finished earlier before the lab got very crowded. We went home to have some rest. 🙂

I can’t wait to share the best gift I got but I think it’s not yet the right time. 🙂

 

 

I will be enjoying the rest of the day with Gareth and hubby. I don’t know yet our plans for the day because hubby is still sleeping but I know we will be having a great time.

Angel Ayumi’s Wellness Spa

Yesterday, the renovation of the spa is finally done. I feel relieved that after 2 weeks the spa is now clean and ready to accept more clients.

Here are some of the pictures:

 

Before:

 

 

 

 

I opened the space next to our old place to make it bigger to accommodate more clients. We only have 4 beds before and now its already 8 beds.

 

After:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I am so happy for the result. I am very proud of myself because I never thought that I can transform a place like this. Our clients are very happy to see it. I can’t wait to meet all our clients.

I am forever thankful to God for all the wonderful blessings.