My Life Through Pictures
“Do not judge the bereaved mother.
She comes in many forms.
She is breathing, but she is dying.
She may look young, but inside she has become ancient.
She smiles, but her heart sobs.
She walks, she talks, she cooks, she cleans, she works, she IS,but she IS NOT, all at once.
She is here, but part of her is elsewhere for eternity.”
–Author Unknown
I’ve kept my promise,
of what I would do.
To continue to live,
my life without you.
I get up each morning,
I get through the day
struggling past tears,
every step of the way.
I go on with life with,
a forced happy face.
My heart aches badly,
for what I can’t replace.
I don’t know what to do,
to deaden this pain
It’s so hard, here without you,
where I must remain.
But I will keep my promise
and I must believe,
That you’ll be there waiting,
when it’s my time to leave.
-unknown
You can shed tears that she is gone
or you can smile because she has lived.
You can close your eyes and pray that she’ll come back
or you can open your eyes and see all she’s left.
Your heart can be empty because you can’t see her
or you can be full of the love you shared.
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday
or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.
You can remember her and only that she’s gone
or you can cherish her memory and let it live on.
You can cry and close your mind,
be empty and turn your back
or you can do what she’d want:
smile, open your eyes, love and go on.
-David Harkins, © 1981
It’s been a month baby since we parted. Though you are not with us physically, I believe that you are just around, just one breath away. You are truly our angel. I miss you so much! I love you forever!
Dear Ayumi,
How are you?
I miss you much. I checked your clothes this morning and I remembered the first time you wore those dresses. Sobrang tahimik na ngayon sa bahay. Namimiss ko yong sigaw, kanta at mga tawa mo. Gusto ko ulit marinig lahat yon. Namiss ko yong mga pagtalon talon at pagtakbo takbo mo sa bahay. Sobrang sakit parin ang pagkawala mo anak, kahit pa sabihin nating inihanda mo si Mommy pero anak, kahit kailan hindi sapat yon.
Ang dami kong gusto ipakita sayo, madami akong gustong ituro sayo pero bakit parang ang bilis naman. Sana dumating ang time na hindi na talaga tayo maghihiwalay. I am looking forward of spending forever with you.
I love you so much!
Missing you,
Mommy
“Baby, Baby, Where Did You Go?”
© Sept 02, 2010 Julie Ann Smith
Mommy says, “Baby, Baby, where did you go?”
“Won’t you please tell me…I’ve just got to know?”
Mommy asks, “Where did you go Baby that you cannot be found?”
Baby says, “Look not for me here Mommy, for I am Heaven bound.”
“I am way up here where the trumpets herald and the Angels sing,
And I sit upon the lap of Jesus the King.”
Jesus said, “He had a special job for me, and that it couldn’t wait.”
“Guess what? He even met me with Great Granny at the great big pearly gate.”
“And even for a while Jesus gave to me His hand to hold,
And up upon my head Mommy, He placed a ring of gold.”
“My steadfast gaze on all the miles to roam,”
Jesus bent down and whispered, “This is your new home.”
“My days were all numbered, but not counted on earth below,
But I am up here, Mommy I just thought you should know.”
Mommy says, “Baby how shall I find you, now that you’ve left my side?”
Baby says, “Oh, you’ll know it’s me Mommy, I’ll have my arms held open wide.”
“He gave to us…each other for a time and a while,
Until He formed on my face…a precious little smile.”
“I love you so much Mommy from my head down to my feet,
I’ll be here waiting with Jesus, until the two of us should meet.”
“Baby, Baby”, Mommy says, “Where did you go?”
Baby says, “I went up to Heaven from the earth down below.”
“When you look to the heavens and see all the starry hosts, it’s me,” Baby saying,
“Mommy, I love you the most!”
“I know I can’t be with you, and you probably can’t dry your eyes,
But Mommy, please know that way up here in Heaven, your tears are changed to lullabies.”
© Sept 02, 2010 Julie Ann Smith
One day while talking to Ayumi.
Me: How’s your day?
Ayumi: (Look at my eyes) Patay
Me: Sino?
Ayumi: Lilo (she meant Pillow, we call her Pillow since she was born)
Me: (so shocked!) ahh si Lolo (referring to my father)
Ayumi: Hindi. Lilo
Me: Huwag ganyan anak ha. Malulungkot si Mommy. Hindi pwede yan ha. (Don’t tell me that, I’ll be sad.)
Ayumi: (She kiss and hug me)
Those are the moments that keeps on running on my mind. How does she knew it? The conversation happened around 2 or 3 weeks before she passed away.
They tell me I must learn to live a new normal
But I’m not sure that I know how
There is nothing about my life that is normal
Not yesterday…not now.
Each morning I wake crying
Feeling totally down and blue
Is this the new normal they’re talking?
Is this my lifetime New?
I try to go on living
I try to hide the pain
This new normal is not working
How can they say these things?
I miss my baby more each day
With every single breath
There is nothing normal about this pain
Or the memories of his death
A new normal I can understand
It does make sense to me
But learning to live a new normal
Cannot be done so easily
Please tell me how to do this thing
Place a new normal in my life
I need to learn how right now
So I can be a good mother and wife
I will take each day as it comes
One day at a time
And when my new normal finds me
I pray I will be fine
~Renee Hogan Blythe