Year: 2013

To My Christmas Angel

Our Christmas this year is way different without Ayumi. She’s our source of Joy and it hurts to know that we will be celebrating our first Christmas without her.  When I started decorating this year, I really think of her. I know that she will shout “wow” everytime we light our Christmas Tree and I put those cute decors.

I think moving to our new house is really a big help. I see things differently now and everytime I feel sad, the baby inside of me will start kicking. It made me realize that I should not dwell so much on the past but prepare for the new baby’s coming.

So much things are going on in our country lately and it made me feel sad. I feel sad that I don’t feel the same excitement as before when Christmas approaches. There is really a big difference. I am finding ways that will make me feel that same old feeling again but still I can’t. So to take the blues away, I started planning the birth of our new baby. I hope it will make me feel better.

I may don’t understand everything that is going on but I believe God has a reason why all this things are happening. The emptiness I feel will forever stay and I know only time can tell if I can overcome this. As a mother, it is really hard to believe that I lost one but I believe in God’s miracles. I know someday I will understand…

Despite of everything, I still wish everyone a Merry Christmas! Have a blessed one and please don’t forget to share your blessings. 🙂

 

Christmas Party

I will only have one Christmas Party this year and that is with my staff. We have our simple Christmas Party at Dampa sa Libis. I have fun being with them and sharing our gifts. We had a short talk with my staffs and I am happy that they can easily open up with me.

I am looking forward for more Parties with them.

🙂

I will be posting our pictures soon.

Focus on Things You Can Control

I realized so many things lately. Sometimes I have this questions that keeps on running on my mind but for now it is pointless, specially if it will just make me less as a person. I am in a constant battle of staying happy or drowning myself to sadness. But I think I have both. I am extremely happy and sad at the same time. I am happy that I am pregnant again and everytime I feel the baby’s little kicks and turns I am extremely excited to hold him. I am excited to share the overwhelming love inside of me for our new baby. I am happy that despite what had happened we are now seeing new hope. What made me sad is that I won’t be able to share this happiness with my daughter. I always wonder if only she is here, our life will be more complete and happier. But I should not dwell on that anymore. I need to focus on the things that I can control, on the things that God given to me. God has taken my Ayumi back to Him but He showers us more blessings that we really can’t imagine we can have in less than a year.

There are so many things happened that are hard to explain because that’s how God works. You don’t need to understand everything, you just have to believe in Him.

Gareth’s Place

For 7 years, Gareth is co-sleeping with us.  But we thought he needs his own space not far from our bed so we decided to set up a place for him. When I told him that he has his own space he was so happy. So whenever he likes playing the iPad or read his books he is staying in his place. He loves it and for the first night that he is in his new bed, I feel sad. I am the one who is not ready. 🙁

Sometimes it is nice to see that our kids are already independent and I am happy to see it to Gareth. Knowing that he is a special child, I am glad that he is coping and I know one day he can completely cope to everything. I am praying so hard for that.

 

25th Week

Rainbow baby is now on it’s 25th week. I am so glad that I can feel his movement most of the time. I will be having my check up also this coming weekends and I am looking forward to hear his heartbeat. That is the most amazing part. 🙂

I am also checking the baby section of the mall for his clothes. I am so happy to find out that there are organic materials. I prefer organic materials because the softness is way different.

Since I love online shopping too, I am also excited to purchase some of baby’s items online. It is way cheaper than the one in the mall. I even told hubby about it and I got his approval. So, I spend my time most of the time checking the carters, baby r us, old navy and gap websites.

I am also thinking of buying more so that I can sell it too. 🙂 what do you think?

Shopping Time

I started shopping for Christmas. I need to replace our curtains and pillow cases. I also bought giveaways for our spa clients. It was really tiring but I have to do it but I am not forcing myself. I see to it to have a break every now and then.

The Christmas party of the kids are coming also and they have so much requests. My youngest sister who are staying with me needs to complete her list too so I have no choice but to check every children’s or teens area in the mall.

We went to the mall last weekend and it was really hard to roam around. There are lots of people and all I want to do is to stay in one corner in a coffee shop. I hate too much people around me, it made me feel dizzy. So many uncomfortable scenarios…

I am glad that hubby is helping me. If he knows that I am not in the mood of shopping, he just let me stay in one place. We decided to continue to shop during weekdays. 🙂 I really hope I can complete our Christmas lists soon.

 

Saturdate

I have a great day today. We watched the “Frozen” movie with Gareth. The whole time we are at the movie house he is playing his iPad silently. He is really addicted in reading the stories I downloaded for him. He even memorized it.

We also had our dinner and just go around The Podium to check for something new. It was a great day with my boys. 🙂 Gareth also picked a new guitar toy. It is really his addiction too and we already have so much guitars in our house and some are already broken. I don’t know but maybe someday he will become a guitarist. 🙂

I just noticed that I am easily get tired in walking because I feel heavier. I hope that I can start shopping for the baby clothes soon and my plan to start shopping will be next month.

How’s your day?

 

Money Tips

My favorite Investor is Warren Buffett. I love reading about him and I inspired a lot on how he manage his money.

December is a busy month and the time to spend more. Yes, it is always nice to give and receive gifts but we should be practical in spending our hard earned money. Right now, I am still not starting buying for Christmas gifts but I already listed things I wanted to give to my staffs and family members.

Aside from that I am now saving for the birth of our new baby. The expenses is not easy but with proper budgeting I know I can make it.

I also wanted to purchase new bag and watch but instead of buying 2, I have to choose one and save the rest of the money. Instead of spending too much this time, I also see to it to place some of our money at my Forex investment and so far I am enjoying it. I learn a lot from it since I started last September.

My goal is to earn more at Forex so that we can start building our Apartment business. 🙂

11 Month without Ayumi

Today is not just like any ordinary day. Today is the 11 month without my daughter. Everyday is battle between my mind and heart because there are times that I have questions why she’s gone too soon. As a mother, I know there are days that I am on my lowest point, specially if I miss her.

I am getting used to it. I am used to this pain that I carry everyday. I am used of missing her everyday. I am used for that special moment where I hardly wish so hard that she is still here with us. I am used to it and I will be like this forever.

Everytime I see kids on her age, I wonder how she will become. It seems that my future with her is taken away from me. I have no choice but to continue living and just wait for that special moment that we will be reunited again.

It’s 11 month already but it seems like yesterday. I miss her so much and everything about her seems so fresh. Everything will never be forgotten and I hope she will continue to watch over with us. I know she is happy right now in Heaven because Mama Mary and Jesus are taking care of her. I know that they can take care of my child more that I do.

The sad part is that Christmas is coming and we will try our best to celebrate it the way we used to be when Ayumi was still with us. I don’t want to disappoint her. I wanted her to see that we can make it through.

 

Grow your wings baby…

You are our little angel always.. We miss you so much!